The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
- Downloads：2840
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2023-03-28 06:57:50
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Harriet Lerner
- ISBN：0062319043
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
- Download
Summary
"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to，" writes Dr。 Harriet Lerner， in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions of readers。 While anger deserves our attention and respect， women still learn to silence our anger， to deny it entirely， or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless。 In this engaging and eminently wise book， Dr。 Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of our anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change。
Reviews
Jen
，
For my review， please visit: https://thecouplessyllabus。com/family。。。 For my review， please visit: https://thecouplessyllabus。com/family。。。 。。。more
Monika Gražinskienė
，
Skaitėsi gana sunkiai。 Daug dalykų kartojosi ratu。 Patiko pabaiga， kur viskas sudėliota aiškiai ir paprasčiau。Išsinešu 2 patarimus。
Gracie Jewett
，
I’ve reread this book 3 times。 It has significantly changed my understanding of the “dances” we do in our relationships and why we ultimately find ourselves just spinning in circles。 I have applied the lessons I’ve learned from this book in my personal and work life， and I have seen drastic improvements in my mood and improved comfortability communicating my ideas and beliefs in a more productive， less argumentative way。 This book is a game changer， and I think this should be required reading fo I’ve reread this book 3 times。 It has significantly changed my understanding of the “dances” we do in our relationships and why we ultimately find ourselves just spinning in circles。 I have applied the lessons I’ve learned from this book in my personal and work life， and I have seen drastic improvements in my mood and improved comfortability communicating my ideas and beliefs in a more productive， less argumentative way。 This book is a game changer， and I think this should be required reading for anyone in an anger management program。 。。。more
Mary
，
I learned a lot about how the anger response is a vital message to one’s self。 This is a library book but think I will buy it to have it on hand。 Highly recommend
Joslyn
，
Picked this one up because I have gained so much from Dr。 Lerner's other books （Why Won't you apologize was a game changer for me）。 I wasn't sure how much this book would he for me since I don't really consider myself to have anger issues， but this book is really about the subtitle， how to change patterns in relationships。 As soon as I finished the audiobook I ordered the hard copy。 I already can't wait to reread it。 Picked this one up because I have gained so much from Dr。 Lerner's other books （Why Won't you apologize was a game changer for me）。 I wasn't sure how much this book would he for me since I don't really consider myself to have anger issues， but this book is really about the subtitle， how to change patterns in relationships。 As soon as I finished the audiobook I ordered the hard copy。 I already can't wait to reread it。 。。。more
Aranzazu
，
No sé qué tan "bueno" o "preciso" sea pero me gustó （y ayudó） mucho el ejercicio de reflexión al que me llevó。 Me lo recomendó mi terapeuta y lo escuché como audiolibro。 Cuando lo terminé fui a comprar el físico para poder subrayar y regresar a todas las partes que aplican a mis relaciones。 No sé qué tan "bueno" o "preciso" sea pero me gustó （y ayudó） mucho el ejercicio de reflexión al que me llevó。 Me lo recomendó mi terapeuta y lo escuché como audiolibro。 Cuando lo terminé fui a comprar el físico para poder subrayar y regresar a todas las partes que aplican a mis relaciones。 。。。more
Refika Arıtürk
，
Normal şartlarda kişisel gelişim kitabı okumayan biri olarak terapistimin tavsiyesi üzerine bu kitabı okudum。 Öyle okudum bitti denilecek bir kitap değil。 Altını çize çize， geriye döne döne， üzerinde düşüne düşüne okunması gerekiyor。 Özgür bir yaşamın mücadelesini veren her kadının bu kitapta kendinden bir parça bulacağını garanti ederim。
Rebecca
，
I listened to the audiobook and thought the narrator sounded like she could narrate Anne of Green Gables with the way she talks。。。 turns out she DID narrate those series。 The book is a bit dated。 However， there is still good information contained within。 I wish I could have read short summaries and bullet points as it seemed drawn out， and some things are so obvious that I am surprised they were put into the book。 The language and examples given are not super applicable， but you can change the l I listened to the audiobook and thought the narrator sounded like she could narrate Anne of Green Gables with the way she talks。。。 turns out she DID narrate those series。 The book is a bit dated。 However， there is still good information contained within。 I wish I could have read short summaries and bullet points as it seemed drawn out， and some things are so obvious that I am surprised they were put into the book。 The language and examples given are not super applicable， but you can change the language and scenarios to apply to you with some work。 It's still a good book， but I would like a revised and updated version better。 。。。more
Pam Reeves
，
A Basic ReadI’ve read and studied this subject so much， the material seemed basic and boring。 Well written but xtremely verbal on simple subjects and not deep enough to deal with the overarching and overwhelming problem of anger。
Carlyn Sylvester
，
Harriet Lerner is my favorite。 She and Brene Brown are my emotional psychology and vulnerability queens forever and ever。This was another book （recommended by my therapist and others） on my journey to better understand myself， the human condition， and emotions。 Specifically anger， in this case。 I've never thought of myself as an "angry" person， nor have I ever really resonated with the idea or notion of "feeling angry"。 I can only pinpoint a few specific times in my life， for example， where I've Harriet Lerner is my favorite。 She and Brene Brown are my emotional psychology and vulnerability queens forever and ever。This was another book （recommended by my therapist and others） on my journey to better understand myself， the human condition， and emotions。 Specifically anger， in this case。 I've never thought of myself as an "angry" person， nor have I ever really resonated with the idea or notion of "feeling angry"。 I can only pinpoint a few specific times in my life， for example， where I've felt truly angry。 This book changed everything。 How I view anger， how I have （or have not） allowed myself to feel anger。 What especially resonated: How women， especially， are raised to NOT be angry。。。But that it's okay！ That being angry doesn't mean lashing out or throwing tantrums， but instead is an emotion and vehicle that， if allowed to be felt and managed， can enable you to establish personal boundaries and express needs。 。。。more
Mary Katherine
，
This book had some great questions and ideas for me to consider in my own relationships。 But there were a few examples/stories that I thought were inappropriate/outdated。 Also， I'm not sure how some of her approaches to anger mesh with creating boundaries。 This book had some great questions and ideas for me to consider in my own relationships。 But there were a few examples/stories that I thought were inappropriate/outdated。 Also， I'm not sure how some of her approaches to anger mesh with creating boundaries。 。。。more
Shayla
，
A friend highly recommended this book and I thought it wouldn’t necessarily resonate with me but was pleasantly surprised how much I gleaned from the strategies and examples shared。
Gwen
，
A powerful book on learning how to manage anger。
Anna
，
It's not just about anger， and not necessarily just for women。 The subtitle explains it better - it's a guide to changing relationships， whatever they may be。 Very insightful， even for those advanced in psychology。 It's not just about anger， and not necessarily just for women。 The subtitle explains it better - it's a guide to changing relationships， whatever they may be。 Very insightful， even for those advanced in psychology。 。。。more
vibjet
，
Harriet Lerner is BRILLIANT！ Her understanding of human psychology and relationship dynamics is so poignant！ This book is such a gift and I will read it many times！
Gabby Spraggins
，
Incredibly easy to follow and every chapter found a way to engage my perspective on things like blaming， family triangles and professional relationships。
Rebekah
，
Quick audio book。 This book is definitely a little dated， but I still found some things really relevant to where I am right now in life。 I especially liked the discussion about trying to understand your family history when it comes to behaviors as a lot of our actions stem from our personal family experience。 And while I know this， I found it helpful to reflect on some of my current behaviors， especially with my anger at times with my own children and how that anger was connected to how I was ra Quick audio book。 This book is definitely a little dated， but I still found some things really relevant to where I am right now in life。 I especially liked the discussion about trying to understand your family history when it comes to behaviors as a lot of our actions stem from our personal family experience。 And while I know this， I found it helpful to reflect on some of my current behaviors， especially with my anger at times with my own children and how that anger was connected to how I was raised。As a woman with a career， the case study with the male boss and performance bothered me on many levels， but even with that I found a couple of relatable behaviors for me that I can try to change。 Bottom line: The author doesnt promote her book as a fix-all。 She tries to be balanced based on each unique situation by saying， "While this worked for Sarah， this may not apply to your own situation。" Ultimately， I gleaned a few things that helped me with how I interact with others and despite the flaws of the book that's personally worth 5 stars to me。 Favorite quote: "It is no wonder that it is hard for us to know， let alone admit， that we are angry。 Why are angry women so threatening to others？ If we are guilty， depressed， or self-doubting， we stay in place。 We do not take action except against our own selves and we are unlikely to be agents of personal and social change。 In contrast， angry women may change and challenge the lives of us all， as witnessed by the past decade of feminism。 And change is an anxiety-arousing and difficult business for everyone， including those of us who are actively pushing for it。 Thus， we too learn to fear our own anger， not only because it brings about the disapproval of others， but also because it signals the necessity for change。 We may begin to ask ourselves questions that serve to block or invalidate our own experience of anger: Is my anger legitimate？ Do I have a right to be angry？ What’s the use of my getting angry？ What good will it do？" 。。。more
Jess Feinstein
，
I read this book during a time when my relationships and religion were leaving me feeling deep anger and frustration。 I felt as if carving my own road & being true to myself were acts of defiance。 Reading Dr。 Lerner’s concept of how women “de-self” themselves for men not only educated me， it saved me。 “The patterns that keep us stuck in our close relationships derive their shape and form from the patterns of a stuck society。” - Dr。 Lerner
Kami
，
I would recommend this book but I didn't love it。 A lot of the advice felt old fashioned and unrealistic。 Some great tidbits and it kept my attention。 I would recommend this book but I didn't love it。 A lot of the advice felt old fashioned and unrealistic。 Some great tidbits and it kept my attention。 。。。more
Faten
，
It's not what I have expected from the tiltle。However It is a good book about relationships and solving relationships issues。。the triangle concept is new for me and eye-opening 。 It's not what I have expected from the tiltle。However It is a good book about relationships and solving relationships issues。。the triangle concept is new for me and eye-opening 。 。。。more
Melanie Grant
，
DNF。 I’ve lucked out in my relationships。
Shom Tiwari
，
AudiobookI overall enjoyed this book but some parts definitely felt dated。 The author is intentional at clarifying the limitations of self-help books and how the suggestions are not universally true。 Regardless， the examples and analyses helped me better understand and react to dynamics that I observe or experience。
JohannaK
，
Slightly outdated but the advice she gives is profound。 I had never realised the existence of counter-moves when we try to change a pattern or dance of behaviour。 Knowing that they exist and that they are normal helps so much to create lasting change。
Kelsie Dove
，
Harriet Lerner does an excellent job helping the reader identify anger as a signal of underlying problems or conditions。 She also provides practical， helpful discussions of how to change our thinking and our actions to break out of the cycle of anger and address the underlying issues。 While the discussions of the various patients became tedious at times， I found them to be useful and instructive。 Toward the end of the book， she also helped readers imagine how those stories contained principles t Harriet Lerner does an excellent job helping the reader identify anger as a signal of underlying problems or conditions。 She also provides practical， helpful discussions of how to change our thinking and our actions to break out of the cycle of anger and address the underlying issues。 While the discussions of the various patients became tedious at times， I found them to be useful and instructive。 Toward the end of the book， she also helped readers imagine how those stories contained principles that could apply in different situations。 I particularly appreciated her emphasis on the futility of blaming and the empowering feelings that come from accepting responsibility for our own feelings and how we will manage them。 Overall， I feel this book is extremely helpful， thoughtful， and accessible。 。。。more
Dzenana
，
I thought this book would be on anger management and techniques of stress relief， but it is so much more than that。 It is a deep look into anger， not as your enemy， but a friendly pointer to what is wrong in your life。 Amazing， well-written book。
Dara
，
It was interesting to hear and relate to the different stories of women and the strategies to change the communication to get to the real issue。
Emily Moquin
，
Harriet Lerner never misses
sarahsreads 🫧
，
This book was recommended to me a few times when I was struggling with my anger （and still am！）， so finally decided to pick it up and give it a go。 I was sceptical of this book to start with， but the themes really resonate with me and I think it’s important for a lot of women to read it。 The overarching theme is that we need to learn that we cannot change other people， but this book provides ways on how we can work with other people in their different ways to become happier in ourselves。 It’s a This book was recommended to me a few times when I was struggling with my anger （and still am！）， so finally decided to pick it up and give it a go。 I was sceptical of this book to start with， but the themes really resonate with me and I think it’s important for a lot of women to read it。 The overarching theme is that we need to learn that we cannot change other people， but this book provides ways on how we can work with other people in their different ways to become happier in ourselves。 It’s also made me realise that I’m not alone in my struggles in relationships， whether they be family or work related！ I think I’ll find myself re-reading this book at many points throughout my life！ I’ve already found that I’m calmer on the commute to work （for the most part😅） 。。。more
frosta Karnes
，
Such an incredible book
Christine
，
The strategies are clearly laid out and can be applied to a multitude of interpersonal relationships。 Great read。
tpg0
，
As an AI language model， I am not capable of providing a subjective opinion about a book。 However， 'The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships' is a self-help book written by Harriet Lerner。 It guides women to understand and manage their anger in relationships while offering practical and effective techniques to improve their communication， rebuild their self-esteem， and assert their needs effectively。 The book is recommended for women who want to learn how to break patterns of unhealthy relationships and build healthier ones。
tpg1
，
As an AI language model， I cannot provide personal opinions， but I can provide information about the book "The Dance of Anger"。 "The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships" is a self-help book written by Harriet Lerner， a clinical psychologist。 The book was first published in 1985 and has since become a classic in the field of women's psychology。 The book focuses on how women can break the cycle of anger in their relationships and create a more fulfilling， assertive， and healthy life for themselves。 Lerner suggests that women often struggle with expressing their emotions and setting boundaries in their intimate relationships， which can lead to a cycle of anger， frustration， and resentment。 Through real-life examples， practical exercises， and insightful advice， Lerner guides readers through the process of identifying and changing unhelpful patterns in their relationships。 She helps readers understand how anger can be a powerful tool for creating change and setting boundaries， and provides practical strategies for managing anger in healthy ways。 Overall， "The Dance of Anger" is a highly recommended book for women who want to improve their intimate relationships and break negative patterns in their lives。
tpg2
，
As an AI language model， I do not have personal preferences or emotions。 However， "The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships" by Harriet Lerner， has received positive reviews and is considered a helpful self-help book for women struggling with anger and communication issues in their relationships。 It offers practical advice on how to break destructive patterns and establish healthier ways of communicating and relating to loved ones。
Tag
-
the dance of anger a woman's guide to changing the patterns of intimate relationships